- Drink my weight in beer
- Make no resolutions
- Introduce my fellow Golden Trioists
- Make some prediction for 2009 (in another post)
So without further ado (and because it is frowned upon to drink at 8.34am) I would like to introduce the other two members of the Golden Trio....
Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome to the stage Cracka (loud applause and one masculine sounding wolf whistle)
Cracka was born sometime in the 70's to Jan and Wayne founders of the famous couple who introduced crack cocaine to Australia. Craig was their first child but Jan soon popped out two sisters and a boy simply known as Piggy. Cracka had a happy childhood spending most of his time packaging Mum and Dads special 'fluffy powder' and playing Run Yourself Ragged with Piggy and his collection of Mutant Barbie dolls which he called his 'Army'.
At high school Crack's superior intellect and muscular body made him a target for school bullies and often meant he would get picked second last (just before the dude who smelt like arse) for Bullrush. Crack pushed his anger way down under his spleen as he knew that one day he would be great, or explode in a clocktower shooting rage.
And great he became, after leading his band to the dizzying heights of the St Lukes Hall Festival (now known as The Big Day Out), Crack left the band to concentrate on his Rugby League career. Unfortunatley this career was cut short when a freak barbed wire accident severed his heartstring.
Whilst the future seemed bleak for Crack, no Rugby League career, no band and an inability to brush his hair due to a sensitive scalp, it was now that his life found full direction. Whilst experimenting in his dungeon one day, Crack accidently invented the internet. Crack sold the internet to some computer nerds for a tragazillion dollars and went travelling.
Not much was heard from Cracka for the next couple of years and there are no official records of his travels. Some fans say he spent most of this time writing showtunes whilst others argue that he spent most of these years living in New Zealand where he married three sheep named Mildred, Francesca and Dave. Whatever he was doing didnt matter because when he exploded back on the scene with his book 'F*ck Off' everyone new that this dark period was behind him.
Cracka now lives a comfotable life with one wife, one daughter, one dog, and no sheep.
I will introduce Chov when my fingers stop bleeding.