I know that not all of our readers get all the local papers so in case you missed it, this appeared in one of the local rags with regard to my recent house move.
September 16th 2010
The nation is still yet to know the results and the political landscape is still uncertain following the recent federal election. And additional uncertainty continues in Macquarie Fields as all round good guy and decade long mayor of the peaceful borough prepares to move to a new location. A month of mourning has been declared and local residents are said to be wandering the streets lost. A constant stream of cars have been driving past the mayoral abode at number 22 to see the sight they thought they would never see, a sold sign declaring an end to a tumultuous but productive time for the area.
"It's time for me to move on. There is an Aldi here now, the shops are getting a new lick of paint, the troubles of 2005 are a distant memory" an emotional Mayor Crack stated at a press conference last week, "It's the right time for the area, me and the nation."
"Sure I have had my critics, notably the nattering masses from the east who seem to have an opinion on all I do," Crack stated, a veiled reference to the residents of Revesby who have waged an ongoing war of words with the Mayor since his takeover in 2000, "but I think my record will stand strong, and Mac Fields will always be in my heart."
When questioned about the rumours he has sold out, hoisted the white flag and joined his detractors in Revesby, Crack vehemently denied he was a turncoat and again launched a broadside at those in the eastern suburbs enclave.
"I am moving east yes, but I will not be building a moat in front of my house. I will not be like Mr 'I Love Babysitting' and treat my lawn with contempt and turn it yellow. I will not claim to live in 'The Shire', an area 25 kilometres away from Revesby. Nor will be partaking in coffee in one of the many coffee shops in Revesby. It will be king gees, mongrel dogs and beer as usual."
The press conference attendees stood as one and a cheer rose across the area when Crack, now in a lather of perspiration, ruddy faced and extremely animated declared from the pulpit in front of the modest home "To those who say I have turned my back on Campbelltown let me say this, a wise man once said, keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer. Good people of Mac Fields! I haven't quit! The war will go on!!" Crack yelled as he returned to his house for a well earned beverage and to tend child genius Jaeda.
Commentators say the fighting words used by the mayor are an ominous sign that the war of words may continue but on a new battleground.
From the scene...
Mike Oxwollen
Friday, 5 November 2010
Puppy Love
Whilst I was at home last night working on Higgs Bosun, a rock was thrown through the window on my beat labratory, where all my best work is done. Now you may have noticed I have been the only contributor of late, and I am still none the wiser as to where my two compadres are. But I have heard on the quiet they may be deep deep undercover investigating and researching. What exactly they are investigating and researching is a mystery, even to them, but I digress.
When I went to investigate the rock attack I was surprised to see a note attached to it, and recognised instantly the distinctive scrawl that is The Chovman's hallmark. It is a scrawl that is somewhere between writing and punching someone in the face, and it is always a delight to behold.
It was a little cryptic at first but soon I picked up that the thread of his missive was the recent escapades of one Canberra Ragedrs player and his love of the darker side of the man/canine relationship. I hand over now to The Chov, and let you the reader bask in the glory that is one of his better rants.....
Well you know I thought it had to be fake and I was wrong.
I don’t think he should be sacked, although my opinion has nothing to do with the RSPCA and more to do with the Ragedrs, who have been burned before by that pussy Gallop and who should tell him to stick one.Think of it – the Ragedrs did the right thing with Turd Carney and have nothing to show for it today. Nothing.
They got to stand by and watch as the kid they developed, they trained, they coached and they cut when he proved to be a galactic turd got signed up by the rat filth Roosters with Gallop’s blessing. All this after a mickey-mouse one year ‘ban’ during which Turd admitted nothing, accepted no responsibility for anything and fronted court at least once, getting banned from an entire town for being a prck.
But he’s REDEEMED now, better than Geezus hisself could have done. For nothing more than playing footy. It’s not like he attended any alcohol counselling, did any community service, spoke to any school-kids about responsible alcohol consumption. Nope. Just worked in a pub and played footy. We should close our jails, because this is all that is required these days for COMPLETE REDEMPTION.
So Mr Gallop is apparently “watching closely” what the Ragedrs are doing, tapping his foot impatiently like the ugly fat friend of the smoking hot prom queen you’re hitting on.Well I say f*** you Gallop. We’re going to give Joel a stupid little fine and a 2 week suspension from pre-season training – you know, kind of exactly what the Roosters did with Jake Friend, a serial drink-driver who just escaped punishment in court for possessing illicit drugs. Fine, upstanding citizen that he is – you know, why can’t you be more like Jake Friend, Joel? Then EVERYTHING WOULD BE OK.
Stirring stuff indeed.
Oi Gallop!! You are on notice. Be forewarned, The Chov is after you and he is not happy.
When I went to investigate the rock attack I was surprised to see a note attached to it, and recognised instantly the distinctive scrawl that is The Chovman's hallmark. It is a scrawl that is somewhere between writing and punching someone in the face, and it is always a delight to behold.
It was a little cryptic at first but soon I picked up that the thread of his missive was the recent escapades of one Canberra Ragedrs player and his love of the darker side of the man/canine relationship. I hand over now to The Chov, and let you the reader bask in the glory that is one of his better rants.....
Well you know I thought it had to be fake and I was wrong.
I don’t think he should be sacked, although my opinion has nothing to do with the RSPCA and more to do with the Ragedrs, who have been burned before by that pussy Gallop and who should tell him to stick one.Think of it – the Ragedrs did the right thing with Turd Carney and have nothing to show for it today. Nothing.
They got to stand by and watch as the kid they developed, they trained, they coached and they cut when he proved to be a galactic turd got signed up by the rat filth Roosters with Gallop’s blessing. All this after a mickey-mouse one year ‘ban’ during which Turd admitted nothing, accepted no responsibility for anything and fronted court at least once, getting banned from an entire town for being a prck.
But he’s REDEEMED now, better than Geezus hisself could have done. For nothing more than playing footy. It’s not like he attended any alcohol counselling, did any community service, spoke to any school-kids about responsible alcohol consumption. Nope. Just worked in a pub and played footy. We should close our jails, because this is all that is required these days for COMPLETE REDEMPTION.
So Mr Gallop is apparently “watching closely” what the Ragedrs are doing, tapping his foot impatiently like the ugly fat friend of the smoking hot prom queen you’re hitting on.Well I say f*** you Gallop. We’re going to give Joel a stupid little fine and a 2 week suspension from pre-season training – you know, kind of exactly what the Roosters did with Jake Friend, a serial drink-driver who just escaped punishment in court for possessing illicit drugs. Fine, upstanding citizen that he is – you know, why can’t you be more like Jake Friend, Joel? Then EVERYTHING WOULD BE OK.
Stirring stuff indeed.
Oi Gallop!! You are on notice. Be forewarned, The Chov is after you and he is not happy.
Thursday, 4 November 2010
No More Toddles
He has won everything this year, including the annual NRL chook raffle held on the Tuesday after the Grand Final, despite LOSING the grand final, and now he wins the international footyball player of the universe of something. Enough! Gallop, we know you love him but it becoming a bit obvious now. LEAVE THE KID ALONE!!! Stop propping him up and let him fall like we all know will happen. Stop standing in natures way!!!
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
How's THIS for entertainment!
I am furious. I am beyond reasonable thought, but I won't let that stop me from sharing with you my thoughts on this weekend's footballing contest between the St George Illawarra CHOKERS and the Eastern Suburbs ROOTERS, two teams who had to beat and cheat the mighty Wests Tigers on their way to the grand final (and no it is not a GF, it's a grand final. Stop shortening everything).
I may watch the game, I may not. It will all depend how many beers I have had on the day, but I do wish for one thing, and God, if you have never listened to my pleas before, hear me out on this one, cos I reckon you'll agree that this one is a good 'un.
Picture it, the teams line up, national anthem is sung, ball kicks off and the game gets underway, then, just before half time, just before the Pancho Riccardo Dancers hit the field adorned in spandex for the half time good time my dream is that a meteorite falls from the sky and crushes both teams, and then, and this is the beautiful part of my dream, it bounces and hits Toddles Carney again! Brilliant!!
Both teams eliminated forever, half time good time continues unabated, Tigers avenged, Toddles and Fire-up Gaz gone, all is good with the world. Win-win-win-win-win! I can't wait for Sunday arvo now.
Every man must have a dream, and for the moment, this is mine.
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