O' Zapft Is!

Of all the fests on offer this is the bestest one.  Oktoberfest.  It's on again, and I for one say hooray. 

The knowledge that once a year, somewhere in the world, there is a festival where fit young ladies dressed in attractive dirndl and massive steins of beer are combined is one of the few things that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other and trudging on through life, no matter how dull it can be. 

When I see pics from Oktoberfest all I can say is horray.  Hoo-bloody-ray for everything. 

Toddles The Shark

Toddles:You reckon Joel Monaghan was crook, wait until you hear what me and Daisy just got up to!  They taught me so much in the Ragedrs.

Daisy: And he said he loved me.  Why can't he just respect me?

It may be an uncomfortable position to be in but our wiley sports reporter Mike Oxwollen who has an ear to the ground, a foot in all camps and his finger on the pulse of rugby league filed this report early this morning…

Talks are ongoing with Toddles Carney looking set to sign on to play for the Curranulla Sharks next year. The Sharks had a disappointing 2011 and they are hoping that the signing of Toddles will help them for 2012. Captain Paul Gallen said yesterday “I hope Todd decides to come over and play with us next year. When it all goes bad again we can blame him. Hell, we have blamed everyone from the CEO to the bloke who cleans the sprigs on the boots over the past few years, it would be nice to get some new blood in the camp to blame things on.”

Nearly Won By

OK, I realise that the Origin circus has been and gone, but I miss it.  I think that it is the funniest time of the season, and should be expanded to a best of five.  Lucky for me I was clearing out the cupboard at Vandalay Industries yesterday and came across this missive by our esteemed sports reporter Mick Oxwollen from the last Origin series.  Over to you Mike...

"Mal Meninga said in the press conference that he was proud of the way his team played, they made some mistakes and paid the price, and that he would not be offering any excuses for the loss.

In his press conference Ricky Stewart heralded the win as the start of a new era for NSW in Origin showing none of the delusions of grandeur we expected from the supercoach.
He also revealed that he wants his players to stand down from regular season games for the next origin, thus preparing the way for his excuse why he lost game 3.
And I hope you are sitting down cos I am going to let Ricky share with you a revelation (via Gus “biased commentary, what biased commentary?” Gould) that will blow your mind! Blow it clean out of your skull and change the way you see the world. I’ll hand over to Foxsports and the great man as I don’t think I can do it justice

Ricky had also told his players of a remark former NSW coach Phil Gould had delivered to him during the week.
"Gus told me they don't put on the trophy that NSW nearly won it, they put the winner," Stuart said.

Either that is the most ridiculous line ever or it’s been that long since Ricky has seen the trophy that he had to ask Gus what the trophy looked like.

Mike Oxwollen



Thanks for that Mike, great work as usual.  And I think you will find that Gus is right about that one, as it clearly says QUEENSLAND 2011 VICTORS on the Origin cup.

I Will Return

Listen up, I dont have time to really let rip at the moment but...LET ME SAY THIS!!!  Peter Peter Peters Peters who was a shiny bum seat warmer at the Manly Seagulls Franchise until last week should not have been sacked.  He paid the young lady a compliment, when is someone saying you look good offensive?  The world has gone mad.

As I said, I am busy but I will be back to expand upon this idea later.

100th!!!

The roars are almost deafening as King Crack takes to the podium….


Well thankyou one and all for attending today. To quote my comrade, the one they call Maca; let's make this quick, I know we all want to get home to our families.

I stand before you today not only as your reigning despot and King for life, but as a proud Australian. Today we mark the 100th post to this great forum. We have laughed, we have cried. There have been defeats, and there have been victories. But through it all there has been an undeniable pushing back of the boundaries of public opinion, of tireless work in the hope that this little site can make a difference and change the way the world is seen. And most importantly, we have turned Toddles Carney around, and put him back on the cans, where we know he should be.

It was early in the morning, in the wee small hours earlier this week, when I was awoken by an unexpected phone call. It was Toddles who admittedly was ranting a bit, that will happen at 2am, who was out and about, kicking up his heels and cutting a rug no doubt.  He had called to extend a hearty congrats and thanks Crack. He knew the 100th was imminent and was unable to contain his excitement and was out early to celebrate. In tow he had Nate “The Crown Plaza Pooper” Myles and a Polynesian gent with as many letters in his name as he had functioning brain cells. They were toasting the great success that this forum is, and the good work it has done. Thanks Toddles, have one for me, and three for yourself.

I would like to thank my fellow participants who must still be on their fact finding mission in the bars and dancing halls of south east Asia, as we have heard nothing from them for an age. Hopefully both are well and hopefully they will pull the finger out and get some thoughts down soon as the burden of responsibility weighs heavily on my shoulders, and despite appearances, I cannot do this on my own.

And I thank you for reading. And I hope that this forum has helped you get through the daily grind, has opened your mind, and gave you something to read while you have lunch.

And I will leave you with this; keep left, buy your own beer, wash regularly and fly right. Good luck to the Wests Tigers for this years Winfield Cup and I’ll see you in church!! Bye bye!!!