Pack Your Bags Parky, Do Us A Favour and P.O.Q.

Hands up if you are an opinionated old Pom with many opinions no-one cares about.

"Sir Michael Parkinson will be the first non-Australian to discuss "who we are" from a foreigner's point of view since the traditional speech began 14 years ago.
But the famous Yorkshire interviewer is a "natural choice" for the speech, chairman of the NSW Australia Day Council Angelos Frangopoulos said yesterday.
"The Australia Day Address is a celebration of thought, diversity of opinion and freedom of speech, and raises questions about our future while reflecting on our significant past," he said.
"As an honorary Australian, Sir Michael is perfectly placed to share his thoughts on who we are as a nation."
The journalist has interviewed many famous Australians including the late Kerry Packer in 1979, when he accused him of ruining the game with World Series Cricket."


That was from The Rag yesterday. This is from me today.


Angelos Frangopoulos should consider his position on the board in peril if he thinks that canvassing opinions about ourselves from a foreigner on our national day a good idea.


And why do we insist on still chasing validation from overseas? Parky was a person who could sit, smile politely and ask questions. He didn't change the world, he asked questions of people who were famous, so what gives him the right to make a speech on being Australian? Apparently he is an honorary Australian! I was unaware that interviewing "many famous Australians including the late Kerry Packer" entitled you to an honorary citizenship. Like many of his unwashed compatriots in Australia at the moment burning their lilly white skin watching the ashes they would do well to keep their opinions to themselves and head back home as soon as they can.

I don't care what Parky thinks of us. I don't care what anyone from overseas thinks of us. We should grow up as a nation, and stop looking overseas for someone to give us a pat on the head and tell us we are going well. Stop inviting overseas stars to the Logies, to the ARIAs, to anything. We need to learn that we are big enough and ugly enough to have our own opinions, and those opinions are more valid than any two bit Pom who has an 'honorary Australian' status, and especially on the day we celebrate being Australian.

Those Poor Poor People.

When buffoons meet.......

Armed with all of his vinyl copies of their back catalogue Kevin "Kevvy" Rudd has met with pompous U2 front man Bono to talk about poverty and aid the other day.

The pair dined on a fur seal vinegrette with truffles and a bottle of Dom Perignon White Gold Jeroboam at the Sydney Opera House, along with Make History Poverty co-chairs Andrew Hewett and Tim Costello. The self important rock star, and I am not making this up, "praised the government's development agenda, bipartisan support to reduce poverty globally and spoke about the challenge of global development and Australia's contribution".

Bono then decided he was a government advisor and requested was an expansion of the Australian government's aid program and discussed how Australia intended to meet Millennium Development goals set by the UN to reduce global poverty.

Mr Rudd praised Bono for his activism and the pair also spoke about developments in HIV globally, the spokesman said. Mr Rudd told Sky News that Australia was committed to assisting the world's less fortunate. I wasn't there, for shame, but I bet they also said that they would like the deaf to hear, the lame to walk, and that they hoped everyone would just get along and be friends.

I say if you want to be a rock star good luck, but don't come here and tell me how to run the country or how the government should spend tax dollars. Tax dollars Bono himself doesn't pay through crafty book keeping and by funnelling revenue from his poxy U2 through companies that are mostly registered in Ireland and structured to minimise taxes.

It is easy to stand back and say that we should help the poor, and give away more money when the money isn't coming from your pocket, and you live in such rarefied air that you consider wearing sunglasses all day and night normal behaviour. When you give away all your money, and move to these nations you are so desperate to helpand actually chip in and help with actions not words then come and give me a call. You are a singer, get over yourself. It is hypocritical and insulting to call on us to help more when you could be doing more yourself, and if you really want to help, go after your beloved catholic church and their policies on contraception and condoms whose bloody mindedness continues the spread of AIDS and poverty throughout Africa, and stop sending money with no ongoing action plan behind it, creating a continent addicted to charity.

I always knew Kevvy was a wally, but it appears that Paul "Bono" Hewson is the Supreme Commander.

Tattoos: How Not To Do It

From the news......and no I am not making this up.

(http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/man-with-40cm-penis-tattoo-on-his-back-faces-nine-months-of-treatment-to-have-it-removed/story-e6freoof-1225944022920)

"AN Ipswich man whose back was maliciously tattooed to bear the image of a 40cm penis following a quarrel with a friend is now facing nine months of treatment to have it removed.
The bizarre case has sent shudders through the professional tattoo industry, which has been demanding restrictions on the sale of at-home tattoo kits.
Chester Ives, 25, was shocked to discover the penis tattoo accompanied by an obscene and misspelt slogan, after he agreed to let an unqualified friend give him a yin and yang symbol.
The pair had argued beforehand, and the friend suggested the tattoo as a peace offering.
When Mr Ives complained to police, detectives charged Matthew Brady, 21, with assault occasioning causing bodily harm and a breach of the Public Safety Act."

So let me get the facts straight here;

* The tattooist was no tattooist at all, and merely had a tattooing gun handy

* The tattooee and the tattooist have a fight

* The tattooist says, hey listen, lets make up, let me tattoo you

* The tattooee says, yup, sounds fair, and well, we know what happens next.

A few tips here--don't have a fight with your tattooist, it's just asking for trouble. Its like telling the doc before you have surgery that you have had relations with his wife, ill advised. Also if you ask for a yin-yang symbol, not only are you queerer than a garden full of fairies, but you deserve whatever follows. I am surprised he didn't ask for a unicorn or a dolphin to go with it. And if it was a yin-yang you wanted, from my recollection they are a round symbol....NOT A LONG CYLINDRICAL SHAPE WITH A BULBOUS HEAD!!!

I hope that the judge rules shenanigans and throws the case out. It is obvious that the gene pool in Ipswich so shallow it would have trouble being classed as damp, and these two knuckleheads deserve each other.

Stupid, and with the tattoo to prove it.

28/2/2011 UPDATE!!

Whilst having a beer over the weekend and discussing the latest piccadillio that Toddles has found himself in with my man in the field Mike Oxwollen he handed me a photo of the offending tattoo over the weekend.

I like the tatt. But I really like how the good people at Channel Nine pixilated the top or 'head' of the tattoo. It must have been a tad too grapic for the six pm news.

Apparently under the tattoo was written words to the effect that the tattoo owner is a big fan of male appendages.

I would have thought that the tattoo spelt that out more than clearly enough.

Jann Wenner, Not only are we no longer mates, You are now on my list!

The only sort of short stack allowed in the Kingdom of Crack comes with maple syrup.

Oh man am I worked up now.

I was on my way back to the office and thought I would pop into the bakery near work, pick up a drink and a treat, before heading into the Vandalay Industries complex. A man has to keep his strength up. While there I thought I'll just pop into the newsagent too, might pick a magazine to read over the weekend. And that's when it happened. That's when I saw it.

Back in the day I thought Rolling Stone magazine did some good work, a few serious interviews, a topical article, a light hearted roundup of all in the music world, twas a read I enjoyed. But as the years went on it was becoming more apparent that things were changing and I wasn't quite up the new music as I once was. Lord knows I have tried to keep up but it was rare that a new band elicited the excitement that music did in me earlier. But I am over that now. And now I can proudly say, in a strong clear and very loud voice:

I AM OUT OF TOUCH WITH THE MODERN WORLD, AND NOT ONLY DON'T I CARE, I AM FKING HAPPY ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Short Stack, a 'band' from parts unknown are on the cover of this months Rolling Stone. I'll say it again in case you missed it.

Short Stack.

On the cover of Rolling Stone.

This is a band that makes music, that I cannot begin to describe. Will they have a lasting impact on music? Will they be listened to in 15 years time? Is the musicianship at a level worth admiring? Have they done anything to warrant such attention? No, no, god no and apart from getting 12year old girls interested in them through social networking and YouTube, no. I wish I could grab each one of their young fans and shake them, screaming at them "You don't have to do this! There are many good bands that warrant your immediate attention and will improve your life!!!" but I wont. They need to learn their mistakes themselves.

When I was 12 I was into playing armies and kicking the ball with my imaginary friend Piggy. Like many of my interests when I was 12, I grew out of it, and I hope for the good of the world, the Short Stack fan base do to.

P.S: And Rolling Stone, oi! Consider your self barred. It is disgraceful that a once good magazine should befoul itself as you did this month. I am disappointed, I am disgusted and you have left me feeling dirty and unclean with the thought that I ever read you in the first place.

For shame.

And in case you thought I was lying here is the offending cover.

Disgraceful....

The List.

Yes, its been a while.

"But Maca oh wise one, where have you been? We have had no guidance, nor anyone to help steer us through the channels of life, and such and such, and so on and so forth" I hear you say.

Well I say mind your own bloody business. I have been busy.

Anywho, I have this list see and all of the people who piss me off go on it. Its quite a long list. I havent actually taken the time to write this list down, so maybe thats not really a list but for the purpose of this blog we will call it a list.

So the people on this list get on the said list after annoying me to the point where I think about writing them a letter/email. I never actually write the letter, but I walk away from this person/people thinking that when I get home they will be getting a stern letter from me. As it turns out I am far to busy and important to be jotting out angry letters every day so the list continues to grow like it did yesterday when the man at the pet store annoyed me. Thats a boring story so I wont go into it but needless to say 'Pet Store Man' (didnt get his name) from 'The Pet Store' (cant remember the name of the shop) is the latest to be added to the list.

So, with the background of my list done I will tell you about why Jaycar Electronics are now on my list.

Recently whilst doing up my mancave I realised that I needed some wiring work to be done between my boombox and some speakers so off I trotted to my local Jaycar. I knew what I wanted;

1. Speaker cable
2. A box that could split the sound between two sets of speakers (inside the mancave amd outside the mancave
3. Someway of attatching the current wires (if this was possible) to the new wires which was neat and tidy.

Speaker cable appeared to be no problem to the internet arsed salesman. However the 'box' I needed confused him, no sorry, amused him. Apparently its called a 'Splitter Box' and my description of a box which splits the sound between two sets of speakers wasnt adequate enough for him to grasp exactly what I needed. So after laughing it up with his mate who may have actually been his mate (in the Joel Monaghan sense) he finally showed me what I needed.

Now I needed a neat way of attatching the wires. He told me to use my soldering iron. I told him I dont have one. His Coke bottle glasses wearing mate snorted and a booger flew out. This was amazing on its own because I saw this lady killer, moments earlier, digging for gold so hard that you would think nothing could have been in his nasal passage. So I repeated I still needed a way to attatch these wires neatly, he repeated that I really needed a soldering iron. I wanted to say that you guys really needed a shower, but I didnt .I paid for my goods and left working out what I would say in my letter to the head of Jaycar Electronics.

So they are on my list.

And then I found five dollars.