Can someone get this kid an AVO?

I love this picture, from today's Rag.

Piggy Riddell, noted drinker and diet dodger arm around Toddles, recovering alcomaholic, who is on his very-last-no-more-chances-this-time-we-are-serious-by-gum chance. Can you imagine the conversation? Would they be discussing set plays? New positional changes? New ways to lace up the Gilbert's?

"Well done mate, you beat them again."
"Piggy, it's easy. You just say sorry, promise never to do it again, spend some time with Davey Gallop, maybe pump out a tear or two saying how troubled you are and she's apples!"
"Geez mate, you have this caper sewn up. Maybe I'll give Timmy Smith a call. Might work for him."
"Listen, He could rob a nun, and I guarantee I could get him off the charge."

Don't laugh. It is closer to the truth than you imagine.

From this mornings SMH

Matt Orford and car, in happier times.

Raiders 'boofhead' vandalises Orford's car
Mike Oxwollen
May 5, 2011
Having already been buggered with a Steeden, hung by his jocks from the southern goal posts, and been the 'central participant' in a recent club bun, Matt Orford's rough initiation to Canberra has hit a new low, with a frustrated fan vandalising the star halfback's high-priced Audi.
Witnesses reported a semi naked person dressed only in a Raiders jersey attacked the former Dally M Medallist's car with a meat safe in the Canberra Stadium car park in an ugly aftermath to last Sunday's soul destroying and humiliating 49-12 loss to the Wests Tigers. The gender of the offender could not be ascertained.
Raiders' ball-boys, cheerleaders and the players' life partners and families, officials, pie sellers and the bloke who sells the programs were also subject to verbal abuse after the shellacking.
It was Canberra's seventh straight defeat and left the club pinned at the bottom of the NRL ladder gasping for air in a season that will see them lucky to win a school fete raffle.
Orford's vehicle - dirty lucre as it was included as part of a third-party deal - was parked in the section of the car park reserved for players.
Raiders chairman John McIntyre was absolutely appalled by the incident.
''I'm absolutely appalled by the incident,'' McIntyre said.
Orford was crying too hard to comment.
Raiders chief executive Don Furner told ABC Radio he was embarrassed to be a Canberran.
''I'm embarrassed to be a Canberran,'' Furner said, "but not for the usual reasons, this is a fresh coat of shame I have to wear."
‘‘I would hope that our fans wouldn’t go vandalising somebody’s car after a game, but they have. They are idiots. I blame Toddles’’
Furner continued. ‘‘It is gutless. Apart from the fact it’s not very brave, it is a crime to go around vandalising things.’’ reminding all that the outlawing of vandalisming was part of the massive overhaul of Canberra laws that included the banning of fireworks, the banning of the Melbourne Cup public holiday and the banning of the right to be intimate with an animal.
Raiders players were also heckled by their own families and coaching staff after they completed their pre-game warm-ups.
"It is conditioning for the treatment they will receive for the remainder of the season" coach 'Little Don' Furner said. "We go from verbal abuse to an hour of having bottles thrown at them. No point running drills, these blokes are hopeless!"

CHRIS F***ING SANDOW

Chris Sandow, average footballer, terrible swimmer.

Another smashed window, another note tied to a brick and another missive from the one they call The Chov, who I think is a bit upset that his beloved Eels have signed Chris Sandow.....

No i can’t take it any more i have to burst i must vent I mean seriously WTF!? $550k a year!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! For this Sandow peanut!?!? Geezus, what would a good halfback be worth!? You know, like one that actually plays for a good team in the top 8? Or one who actually wins more games than it loses? Or heavens above actually wins grand finals? Or a half who plays rep footy?! He’s not even a speed bump in defence my friends, because even speed bumps occasionally slow down the odd driver, this pinhead can’t f***ing tackle to save his life! He can’t control a game, he is a one trick pony playing a bit of touch footy to break the line every now and then and THAT’S IT!? And you get paid $550k a year for THAT!??? Can he take control like a Lockyer, or a Cronk, or even a Scott Prince? F*** NO! And you know how hard I am trying to avoid the obvious reasons I dislike him and you know what that is and it has to do with the general profile of Souths as a club but let’s not go there no this is worse than Orford at least that pinhead somehow won a grand final I only just said to my Dad the other week, we were watching Dragons vs Souths and laughing at how putrid Sandow is and I said “no team with Sandow at half will EVER win a grand final” and now look where that has got me my friends look at what I have done WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY and you know my lovely wife only just bought me a new Eels jersey for my birthday this year and now I won’t even wear it as my “mow the lawn” top i want to smash something in fact i want to smash many things starting with chris sandow’s ape-like face

Just as I was catching my breath, this-

No no no I’m not finished yet I can’t let it go yet Chris Sandow, I say the name again CHRIS SANDOW
This makes Mick Appleby look like the greatest signing in the history of rugby league
And not only that, but what do people f***ing think that the Eels are going to ‘rebuild’??!!??
With what money!!?
Think of how much salary cap is now eaten up between the contracts of Hayne and Sandow and let’s not forget how much we paid Mortimer on his last contract to stop the Bulldogs poaching him
Sweet geezus Christ we have just flushed the next 5 years down the toilet
Kearney the moron talks about watching Eels juniors playing for other teams
Well what does he think is going to happen now? We’re broke, so we’re going to rely on juniors coming through
And then when they get good, how are we going to re-sign them? With what, scotch f***ing mist in a jar? So we get to keep CHRIS F***ING SANDOW and those same juniors are going to go and play for Manly and C*nterbury and Souths.
Brilliant.
CHRIS F***ING SANDOW

WHHHHOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! What a spray!

I don't know where he sends his missives from, but I am sure it is a very angry place.

I Love This Photo, For So Many Reasons

Toddles, at the fan day, just TOUNGING for a beer.

"If that photographer would just rack off for a second I could finish my beer and pick up my smokes."

Gold!!!!!!

We Did It!!

Toddles leaving the fan day, having quickly necked two schooners as a show to fans of his returning form.

I don't care what anyone else thinks but I for one am glad Toddles is back on the cans. It means that the world is the way it is supposed to be.

God has smote us in recent times with fires, floods and earthquakes. Expect to see an end to these as God smiles upon the earth knowing that we are back on track, and not holding Toddles back from what God put him on earth to do -- getting rat arsed drunk, canning on like a mongrel, making a fool of himself and ruining everyones expectations of what they think he should be.

And I would like to think we three wise men had something to do with it, as it is well noted that the members of this forum were always against a tee totalling Toddles. I think, through some quirk of nature, that our encouragement lit a spark in the mind of Toddles, that had him heading off to the bottle shop in search of a slab, a few rumbos or a cheap bottle of port. Or maybe all three at once. Remember it is Toddles we are talking about, I wouldn't put it past him.

More power to you Toddles, it's good to see you back!

And by the way, mines a VB, and get one for yourself.