"I Didn't See it, I Was Texting"

Can you be a sailor if you can't sail???

I had to laugh. In fact when I heard the story I did laugh. And it was a four or five lard laugh. Pretty good laughing.

It was all over the news yesterday and after a year of preparation the nation wished her well as she set off. Jessica Watson, at age 16, was off attempting to become the youngest person to circumnavigate the world. Her first leg was from the Sunshine Coast in Queensland down the coast to Sydney where she would just make sure everything on the boat was OK. But it wasn't OK. Oh no-ni-no.

She hit another boat--A CONTAINER SHIP--last night--OFF STRADBROKE ISLAND--not far from her departure site and less than 24 hours into the voyage.

A spokesman for the Australian Maritime Safety Authority, who should know better, said her yacht collided with a bulk carrier shortly before 2.30am.
"The bulk carrier is believed to be heading north up the east coast and has allegedly failed to stop," said the spokesman, who should know that the that stopping a bulk carrier is not a matter of simply pulling on the handbrake.

But she is still keen to go and vows to try again after fixing her boat. From her website "Jessica’s positive attitude and quiet determination leave no doubt that the challenge of sailing alone around the world will be readily achieved." Positive attitudes and quiet determination will only get you so far if you can't avoid ships the size of buildings on the open waters. Let's hope the whales keep out of her way...

Destiny? Spare Me!!!!!!!!!

The NRL, and in particular chief vazhin Gallop, whom I have long suspected of suffering from a major bout of plot loss have finally gone and proven that when it comes to ridiculousness, they are the kings. What is a DESTINY ROUND? I wish you could hear me say it because I sound like I am an announcer for a bad 70s game show......

"Hahaha, yes yes and welcome back. We are here with Mary Smith, a housewife and mother of four from Croydon. Congratulations Mary, you have just won the Black and Decker kitchen mixer, now with two speeds and linoleum cover. Now we move to the DESTINY ROUND where you will play for a new house built with James Hardies finest asbestos sheeting! As an expectant mother you can rest easy knowing you are being protected from the elements by asbestos. Remember folks, the DESTINY ROUND is sponsored by Craven A's, the cigarette most favoured by doctors!"

What is a DESTINY ROUND? Is it double points? Are the games played backwards? Is there an egg and spoon component to the game, no kicks for goal this weekend, DESTINY ROUND dictates that such things are predecided, Hollywood Harrigan will let you know once he reviews some footage. Will there be tarot card readers on the half way? Clairvoyants in the crowds ruining the odds on the market by revealing the winner? Will the teams have philosophical discussions at half time about what exactly constitutes a persons destiny, and whether there is such a thing a fate, before moving onto a discussion on free will and man's ability to alter the path of his life? Destiny refers to a predetermined course of events so why are we playing this round at all? If it is all predetermined why bother showing up? It is a concept based on the belief that there is a fixed natural order to the cosmos. So if you are destined to win you should be able to do that from home, feet up on the lounge with a cold one in hand. Stay home!!

DESTINY ROUND....what a crock. The name is so ridiculous we should rename the upcoming get together the Destiny Drink. And I can see our destiny, and we will be drunk as sailors on shore leave and laughing our heads off.

News

Well, its true I haven't blogged for a while, so I am a little rusty and actually a little unsure whether my entry is blog-worthy in this amazing sanctum. Anyway f*ck it, you have read this far so I guess you must be interested in my thoughts or all of the satellites have fallen out of the sky and there is nothing on the box.

I was listening to the news today and apart from the news about Greg 'I love fisting women, and not in the good way' Inglis I heard two news stories which pricked my interest. Well, they actually p*ssed me off. Here they are;

1. Someone Kennedy died. Boo f*cking hoo. Someone related to a dead president of a country on the other side of our globally warming planet died and that makes our news???? Give me a f*cking break. I would rather listen to a seminar by Greg Bird and the aforementioned Mr Inglis on how to 'Keep Your Bitches In Line'.
2. When did we start pronouncing Papua New Guinea properley? When I was at school we pronounced it PAP-YOU-A New Guinea, not as it is now PARPWA New Guinea. Maybe its now said correctly but I dont give a toss I like the old version. Say it with me PAP YOU A New Guinea. Takes you back too doesn't it? Dont even get me started on the f*ckers at Nestles/Nestle.

Thats all for now, I know it wasnt great, but hey you got it for free.

Run Forrest Run!!!!!

Maca, (at right) posing for a photo with the fun run winner during post race presentations and celebrations


Due to the lack of contributions from my fellow board members I have gone through the archives of University ChovMacCrack and found this gem from last November. Maca had a brief foray back into the world of running and related the tale below with fellow sports fans Chov and Crack providing comments at the end, back in the days when humorous emails were the order of the day and working was not as much a priority. I hand the microphone over to Maca at this point, and let him regale you with tales of sporting glory….

Maca: I know you have probably been worried all weekend, wondering how my running comeback went so without further ado......

I lined up with the other participants (estimated 700-800) at 9am Sunday morning. The track was good to fast (it was bitumen) and the weather was cloudy. I knew I was no chance to finish in the top 40 so I had set my sights on finishing in the top 100 and trying to crack the magic 30 minute mark. My plan was to run patiently somewhere in the area of the leading pack (or at least not too far back) for the first 4.5 km and then pick up my pace a little for a sustained run for the last 1.5km.

The gun was fired and there was chaos but everything was sorted out at about the 400m mark. I had kept up with the Ragedrs and some dudes wearing triathlon shirts so I knew I was in a pack that would set a good pace and hopefully drag me into the race. At the 1km mark they started to move away from me and my apprentice jockey (my brain) decided to throw the trainers instructions out the window and make his move now and I went with the Ragedrs pack. By 2km I was f***ed.

I had however burnt off most of the Ragedrs with my blistering pace. I passed the first drinks station like a professional, grabbing drinks from the young ladies and casting my used cups with aggression to the side of the road.

The second drink station was a different matter. It was at the 4km mark and I had barely enough energy to remember who I was let alone grab a drink. This station was different to the first as well; they didn't stand the young ladies by the road holding the cups out for the elite athletes pounding the pavement. Oh no my friends, their error, one I am sure will be fixed for next year’s event, was to fill all the cups up and have them on a table for the runners to grab as they went past.

By this stage I was running on my own as the triathletes were now about 50m in front and the Ragedrs about 20m behind. I could see the table well as I drew closer, but as I went to reach out to grab a cup my exhaustion took over and I stumbled and knocked over all of the drinks except the one in my hand. As I ran off I could hear the runners behind me swearing and carrying on but I did not let them put me off and carried on running.

At about the 5km mark I tried to accelerate but I had nothing left, so I just continued at the same pace and eventually ran through the finishing arch placed 105th in a time of 33 minutes and 52 seconds. I hadn’t beaten the time I had set or finished in the top 100 but I had beaten most of the Ragedrs squad home except for a few reserve graders, but they don't count.

All in all it was an interesting experience which I am today paying for as I cannot walk.


Chov: Gold. I believe it’s jogging or yogging, it might be a silent J. I’m not sure what it is but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It’s going to be wild.

Crack: Was there some training done in the lead up to the marathon? Listening to the theme from Chariots Of Fire over and over does not constitute training.

Maca: No running training. But I have been riding the exercise bike.
I also watched Gallipoli with made me think my legs were steel springs which were going to hurl me down the track. However it also made me think I was going to get shot as I crossed the finish line.

Crack: No running training or even walking training. But I have been standing in close proximity to an exercise bike I picked up off the side of the road from a council clean up.

Chov: Maca loves those. He calls them “Bargain Fridays” and swears they are the best source for all your possible Xmas shopping needs.

Maca: This year I am ‘buying’ you both a fridge and some shoes for Xmas.
Also a 2006 Diary for you Crack, and as a special ‘early-bird’ bonus, the lady at number 24 has already filled out most of your appointments for that year, and written about your holiday already.
And your holiday was a little racy.

Chov: And I will try to act surprised when I open my Commodore 64.

Crack: I hope I get an Amstrad!

Cry? I Never Thought I'd Start

From this mornings Rag

"About 100 people, some carrying posters and wearing trademark Michael Jackson hats sat quietly and watched the tributes to Jackson, many in tears.
Jason Jackson an avid fan and Jackson impersonator was among those who attended the gathering.
The 35-year-old who lives with his parents in Narellan Vale was devastated by the King of Pop's death and has vowed to carry on his legacy through his work as a professional tribute artist.
Dressed in full costume he was visibly moved during the memorial service, shedding a few tears and miming the words to many of the songs. "

Good lord. That says it all. Maybe he should consider moving into normal life now that Jackson is dead, joining regular society, moving out of his parents and getting a real job, one involving hard physical effort hopefully and MAN UP A BIT!!!

OK, he is dead, we have had the memorial service can we now let it go?

Call me crazy, and many do, but does the death of Michael Jackson prove that in death a man's sins are automatically washed away, and that in life a man's sins can be washed away (or at the very least paid off to go away) with money?

I wonder if the world will be as forgiving of Gary Glitter when he dies?