100th!!!

The roars are almost deafening as King Crack takes to the podium….


Well thankyou one and all for attending today. To quote my comrade, the one they call Maca; let's make this quick, I know we all want to get home to our families.

I stand before you today not only as your reigning despot and King for life, but as a proud Australian. Today we mark the 100th post to this great forum. We have laughed, we have cried. There have been defeats, and there have been victories. But through it all there has been an undeniable pushing back of the boundaries of public opinion, of tireless work in the hope that this little site can make a difference and change the way the world is seen. And most importantly, we have turned Toddles Carney around, and put him back on the cans, where we know he should be.

It was early in the morning, in the wee small hours earlier this week, when I was awoken by an unexpected phone call. It was Toddles who admittedly was ranting a bit, that will happen at 2am, who was out and about, kicking up his heels and cutting a rug no doubt.  He had called to extend a hearty congrats and thanks Crack. He knew the 100th was imminent and was unable to contain his excitement and was out early to celebrate. In tow he had Nate “The Crown Plaza Pooper” Myles and a Polynesian gent with as many letters in his name as he had functioning brain cells. They were toasting the great success that this forum is, and the good work it has done. Thanks Toddles, have one for me, and three for yourself.

I would like to thank my fellow participants who must still be on their fact finding mission in the bars and dancing halls of south east Asia, as we have heard nothing from them for an age. Hopefully both are well and hopefully they will pull the finger out and get some thoughts down soon as the burden of responsibility weighs heavily on my shoulders, and despite appearances, I cannot do this on my own.

And I thank you for reading. And I hope that this forum has helped you get through the daily grind, has opened your mind, and gave you something to read while you have lunch.

And I will leave you with this; keep left, buy your own beer, wash regularly and fly right. Good luck to the Wests Tigers for this years Winfield Cup and I’ll see you in church!! Bye bye!!!

Am I Three?

I had to watch it.  I had to.  And as soon as I did I wish I hadn't, as I was angry, damn angry.
Our PM Miss Gillard was on the TV last night, speaking to us like we were three year olds in her dull nasal monotone, telling us the science is in, and that Australia has decided that the only way to save the world was with a whopping big tax, which you would get back anyway. 
Damn these commies!!  They will not be happy until we produce nothing here and import everything, thus reducing our pollution output.  And the often used argument that everyone is setting up their own scheme is only proof that politicians the world over love a tax.
News for you red, we haven't decided, in fact we didn't even pick you!  If you had any gumption you would put this to the electorate and truly let us decide.  If you have nothing to worry about it should be an easy call to make comrade.

Shhh!

After setting the controls for the heart of the sun, Ricky insisted on driving the team bus home

So they lost.  All the hoopla over for another year.  And we will have to put up with another year of listening to Queenslanders gloat about the win.  Another year spent with dreams unfulfilled.  This must be what it sounds like, when doves cry.

But let us not forget the lighter side of Origin, and I think it's time to call the doctor, for the coach may have truly lost the plot.

Before the big game NSW Origin ubercoach Ricky Stewart thought he would be a bit sneaky, and organise a training session away from the media, away from the public and away from the spies that the Queensland government and the QRL have running all over Brisbane stealing Ricky's thoughts.

So the team were issued their Ricky approved tin-foil hats, donned the Ricky approved cloaking devices and climbed aboard the Blues bus headed for parts unknown.  The location for the secret training session turned out to be the second biggest ground in Brisneyland, Ballymore, home ground and training centre for the SuperDuper 15 rugby team The Reds who are lining up for a game in the finals this weekend.

And the Reds captain James Horwill (or hor won't, depending on how many drinks were consumed) had the hide to call a press conference at the ground when Ricky and his alfoil army arrived.  Luckily Ricky was on hand to sort it out, and asked all media not to look out at the field and watch his team train.  Seriously.  They were also asked not to look Ricky in the eye, bow as he passed, and lick clean his boots.  Maybe.  As we now know it doesnt't matter if you train in the middle of Pitt Street, or in an underground lead lined bunker (which was Ricky's preferred training location) if you are shite, you are shite and you will lose.  And we did.


So if in the next few weeks as you wander around this wide brown crazy land and you see a short man living it a cardboard box ranting about how the refs cost him the game throw him a dollar.  It could be the NSW Origin coach.

What Hasn't He Done?

Drugs are bad, mkay?

Wow, a real scoop in the papers today:

"Charlie Sheen has admitted he used steroids to prepare him for the role of baseball pitcher Ricky Wild Thing Vaughn in the 1989 comedy Major League."

You could devote pages and pages to the type of crazy Charlie Sheen peddles, and frankly, I like it. The world needs his type of sex and drugs and rock n roll craziness, with his porn star girlfriends, buckets of pharmaceuticals and endless cash, and doing it all without a care in the world.

But to report he did steroids? I would be disappointed if he didn't give them a try as well. If they want a truly amazing headline why didn't they report "Charlie Sheen has admitted to not trying Guatemalan chilli peyote in an interview today. 'You keep away from that stuff, that will kill you!"

THAT Is Your God?

CHARGES ... Great grandmother, Noelene Edwards, 74 has been charged with drug supply after being detected by sniffer on George Street, Sydney. Pictured with her god, Digger. Picture: Brad Hunter Source: The Daily Telegraph



This is from today's Rag.

Amazing what passes for a deity these days...