Don't Ask Me, I Don't Know Where They Are Either

I have been asked many many times over the past year what happened to the Golden Trio, once a formidible force of serious intellect and scathing opinion, whether there was a Yoko that split the Trio asunder, were the artistic differences that explosive, what of the rumours of missing millions and a pirate named Sid and who really is Mike Oxwollen.  And I have batted off the queries but it time to say some thing on the matter, and hopefully quell the rumours once and for all.

It began in a blaze of glory many moons ago as a trio, and the idea was that it is supposed to remain a trio, but as we all know, Maca and Chov, or as I refer to them now, the other two, have gone missing.  But from the recent photo of them above would indicate, they are having a good time.

There have been rumours and theories as to why they have been so quiet..... 

I suppose they have been quiet on commentary of the NRL season 2011 as their football teams finished second last and third last this year, something that brought me as a Tiges supporter much joy even though we were unsuccessful in winning the comp again... 
I heard that Chov has been struck down with a particularly virulent form of Beider-fever, leaving him unable to perform any manly tasks..... 
I heard that Maca turned his hand to home renovations and managed to build himself into the rear extension to his palatial abode, and no-one wants to be the one to break him out....
And I also heard that they are trapped in Costco, ensconced in giant forts made of cheap poo tickets, fighting with cheese bombs....

But to level with you dear reader I don't know where they are.  I don't know why they stopped sharing their opinions on modern events, and I don't know if or even when they will be back.  Wherever they are I hope it is a place that the special love and bond they share is a lifestyle choice that is accepted, where they can walk around in their rainbow coloured clothing with pride, where they can be themselves and hold hands without shame.  Most of all I hope they are OK.

Maca and Chov: They always fight when they are on holidays.

Sad

How long now?  Seriously, how long until season 2012 of the NRL starts.  The grand final is done for another year and already I miss it.  And please don't tell me there are all the rep games coming up, that is nothing to get excited about.  So we can beat England, wow.  It is like beating your dog at chess, not very difficult at all.

Some of my season highlights:
*When all the colour ran out of Gus Gould's body.  It was like one week he was a ranga, next he was a grey ghost!
*Joey Johns shaking like a leaf at each post match interview.  Was he nervous or has there been some self medicating?
*Melbourne booing Vahzin Gallop.  OK I am not a fan of the Vazhin, in fact I have been quite critical, but all of those TERRORISTS in Melbourne need to build a small easily hidden IED and move on.
*The Melbourne/Manly stink.  It was a good stink, you have to admit that.
*Origin.  So NSW lost, but the crazy that Stuart brought to the coaching roll made it for mine one of the more entertaining series on record.
*Toddles.  In fact Toddles alone is my hands down winner for highlight of season 2011.  A thousand second chances, a thousand promises of never doing it again, and still the kid goes and gets on the cans.  And not just at home, but in some of the busiest areas of Sydney.  Sure he is a fool and a buffoon, but he is our fool and buffoon.

I am looking forward to The Bulldogs kissing and making up with Sonny Bill "I Will Do What's Best For Sonny Bill Williams" Williams.  It's my red hot tip for 2012.  Remember where you read it first.  (Then again the source of that rumour told me that Dazzling Des "How's The Hair?" Hasler had signed with the Bulldogs for 2012, so I wouldn't be putting any money on it just yet.)

O' Zapft Is!

Of all the fests on offer this is the bestest one.  Oktoberfest.  It's on again, and I for one say hooray. 

The knowledge that once a year, somewhere in the world, there is a festival where fit young ladies dressed in attractive dirndl and massive steins of beer are combined is one of the few things that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other and trudging on through life, no matter how dull it can be. 

When I see pics from Oktoberfest all I can say is horray.  Hoo-bloody-ray for everything. 

Toddles The Shark

Toddles:You reckon Joel Monaghan was crook, wait until you hear what me and Daisy just got up to!  They taught me so much in the Ragedrs.

Daisy: And he said he loved me.  Why can't he just respect me?

It may be an uncomfortable position to be in but our wiley sports reporter Mike Oxwollen who has an ear to the ground, a foot in all camps and his finger on the pulse of rugby league filed this report early this morning…

Talks are ongoing with Toddles Carney looking set to sign on to play for the Curranulla Sharks next year. The Sharks had a disappointing 2011 and they are hoping that the signing of Toddles will help them for 2012. Captain Paul Gallen said yesterday “I hope Todd decides to come over and play with us next year. When it all goes bad again we can blame him. Hell, we have blamed everyone from the CEO to the bloke who cleans the sprigs on the boots over the past few years, it would be nice to get some new blood in the camp to blame things on.”

Nearly Won By

OK, I realise that the Origin circus has been and gone, but I miss it.  I think that it is the funniest time of the season, and should be expanded to a best of five.  Lucky for me I was clearing out the cupboard at Vandalay Industries yesterday and came across this missive by our esteemed sports reporter Mick Oxwollen from the last Origin series.  Over to you Mike...

"Mal Meninga said in the press conference that he was proud of the way his team played, they made some mistakes and paid the price, and that he would not be offering any excuses for the loss.

In his press conference Ricky Stewart heralded the win as the start of a new era for NSW in Origin showing none of the delusions of grandeur we expected from the supercoach.
He also revealed that he wants his players to stand down from regular season games for the next origin, thus preparing the way for his excuse why he lost game 3.
And I hope you are sitting down cos I am going to let Ricky share with you a revelation (via Gus “biased commentary, what biased commentary?” Gould) that will blow your mind! Blow it clean out of your skull and change the way you see the world. I’ll hand over to Foxsports and the great man as I don’t think I can do it justice

Ricky had also told his players of a remark former NSW coach Phil Gould had delivered to him during the week.
"Gus told me they don't put on the trophy that NSW nearly won it, they put the winner," Stuart said.

Either that is the most ridiculous line ever or it’s been that long since Ricky has seen the trophy that he had to ask Gus what the trophy looked like.

Mike Oxwollen



Thanks for that Mike, great work as usual.  And I think you will find that Gus is right about that one, as it clearly says QUEENSLAND 2011 VICTORS on the Origin cup.